The Ultimate Stress Reliever (It's Not What You Think)

This post is a transcript from the Captivatingly Confident Podcast episode 103, The Ultimate Stress Reliever (It’s Not What You Think). You can listen to the episode here.

Welcome to the Captivatingly Confident Podcast. My name is Kim Ludeman and I'm here to help facilitate conversations around what it means to step into your confidence so you can live the life you want, not the one you think you should. Join me as we talk about body and self acceptance, nutrition, movement and mindset so that you can uncover what dulls your sparkle so you can shine. With that, let's go to the show!

Okay, so I want to know something about you. I am so curious about you and your experience and what your reaction to this question is. What would you do differently if you let yourself like what you saw in the mirror?? What would you do differently? What would you stop missing out on? What would you give up if you let yourself like what you see in the mirror? I just want you to ponder on that for a second because it, it kind of pulls up a few different things, right?


First of all, looking at yourself in the mirror, how often do you avoid doing that? And if you do look in the mirror, is it positive, neutral or negative? More often than not, you probably have thoughts like, "this needs to be firmer. This needs to be smaller, that needs to be smoother, this needs to be tucked and this needs to be hidden". You have thoughts like that because most of the people listening have those thoughts. The second thing that might've popped up for you is this idea of letting yourself like what you see because friend, the only thing that's stopping you from liking what you see in the mirror is YOU.


Isn't that powerful?? I think that that is one of the most groundbreaking things in the world. When you realize that the only thing stopping you from being happy, from liking what you see, is YOU. It's not anybody else. No one else can change that for you. Nobody can praise you enough. No one can tell you you're beautiful enough. No one can compliment your body enough. The only person that can change that is you and if you're like a lot of people that I've talked to about this, you're probably having some objections that are popping up in your mind that are getting in your way of letting yourself like what you see and those objections are totally valid. Your feelings of feeling not enough when it comes to your appearance are valid because they're your feelings. They're your thoughts and I want to validate those.


I also want to challenge them and the way that I want to challenge them is by inviting you to the Reveal Retreat. This retreat is going to be focused entirely on self love and acceptance and body respect and making the shift into those two places where you are accepting and loving of yourself and respectful of your body. When you step into those places, you actually let yourself like what you see, you actually start to value yourself and it changes everything! There is nothing left untouched when that shift is made. And maybe you say, "well Kim, I do like myself, I practice self-love". Then I'm going to test this statement on you and see what happens.......


Try this on for size. "I am worthy and deserving of love, acceptance, happiness, peace as I am right now in this moment". How does that rub you? If that rubs you perfectly and you're like "Yep. I own that. I live that and I look in the mirror and I'm happy with what I see and I feel good and I'm not hiding and I'm living my best life. Every day I'm showing up in my business how I want. I'm showing up in my family how I want." Then this retreat is not for you. This retreat is for the woman that says, "Oh, something about that statement doesn't feel right. "I am worthy and deserving of love, respect, acceptance, happiness, peace as I am right now in this very moment." Something about that rubs me wrong. I don't feel like I can claim that. I don't feel like I can own that.


At this retreat we are going to dive into what happened to you that makes it hard to claim that. What is it that's dulling and covering your sparkle? What is that and healing that. It's going to be looking at inner child wounds and working to heal those and release beliefs and stories that aren't serving you anymore, which is actually a lot more simple (thought not easy) than it sounds. We're going to help teach you how to make these shifts so that they stick. Because what happens when you start to practice self acceptance and self love and body respect, when that becomes your mode of operation and you are claiming on the regular that you are worthy and deserving of love, acceptance, happiness, peace as you are right now is that you no longer need things like well power or motivation or accountability. You don't need those things because you're not trying to do things from a place of unworthiness.


You're not trying to do those things as a way to change your body. You're doing those from a place of body respect and self-respect and that changes everything and changes the way that you eat. It's changed changes the way that you move. It changes the way that you approach self care and changes everything. And so if you are ready to come and to connect with nine other women who are on the same journey as you, if you're ready to be seen and heard and understood and if you are ready to let go once and for all of these beliefs and stories that keep you from letting yourself have the life you want, then you need to be at reveal straight up. You need to be there and if money is an issue, if, if you just feel like I just, Oh, I really want to go but I just can't afford it, can't is another word for won't and that potentially is self sabotage because it may sound good in your like cam, I totally want to be there.


Let me help you uncover what that, that self-sabotage is. Because anytime we try to do somethings Gary or new or something that puts us out of our comfort zone that the brain goes, Whoa, what? Too much, too much and tries to push you back into safety, safety zone of self sabotage, right where we put ourselves last because that's comfortable where we say, you know, gosh, we really need this money for something else. If these are your objections, which I totally understand, I hear you and I have to go through this process when I need to invest in myself as well. I just bought a ticket to a retreat for November and I had to walk myself through the same process and if you are ready, but you feel like I don't know, I just, ah, I can't, I can't see myself investing that much in myself because if your, if your true belief is that you're not worthy, you're not going to make that investment, but it's the investment that you need to make to change your life and to live life the way you want.


So I invite you to reach out. You can email hello@revealretreats.com or visit the website, www.revealretreats.com. The retreat is going to be in Nashville, Tennessee, at a beautiful Airbnb. Oh, with a private chef who's creating nourishing, beautiful, delicious meals for us. We've got amazing speakers and activities planned. It's going to be so life changing!!! I have put my heart and soul into this retreat and I know that you are not going to come back the same person you left. I Just know it. So if you have questions or you want to talk it through, let's schedule a time to hop on a call and let's talk it through and if it's not your best next step, if it's not right for you, I'm going to let you know because I only want people to go to this retreat who are the right fit and it's not for everyone, but maybe it's right for you. We have five spots left and registration closes November 1st. Let's do this thing!!!


Okay. Speaking of self care, we're going to jump into today's topic and this is a really good one that gets me really excited because we're going to be talking about STRESS. I've been running a online small group for the last six weeks and one of the the weeks, we were talking and I said, "okay, now we're going to talk about stress." And everybodyrolled their eyes. And I said," but we're going to talk about it differently than you've ever talked about it before." And that definitely caught their attention because have an idea.I have a premise that I want to propose to you that just might change your life!


What is stress? Right? We all know what stress is. It's the things that cause anxiety. It's the things that get us frantic and the thing that causes us to feel out of control. An overpacked schedule, kids getting them ready and off to school, running a business. The laundry, the housework, the cars, the bills, the making of the money, all the things, relationships, stress, personal stress. Even your body can stress you out. All the things. You're told to combat stress because it's bad for you, right? There is no such thing as like a good stress. I'm sorry there's not. Your central nervous system perceives stress, good stress and bad stress, the same way,. It puts you in fight or flight and that's the central nervous system. It's like ready to go. It's ready to rumble.


It's like, okay, are we fighting this thing? Are we fleeing? Are we getting the heck out of Dodge?? And when you live in that place, you get total hormonal upset because you've got cortisol being produced and adrenaline being produced and insulin in response to your cortisol and your adrenaline. And it's this like crazy storm which when used sparingly is great, but I'm going to argue that a lot of us live in this all the time. We live in that heightened state instead of really resting with the parasympathetic nervous system, which does rest and digest. Because if you have gut issues, chances are you're real stressed because your gut health actually starts in your brain. So interesting! When you are stressed, your body tries to conserve energy so that it can produce those big bursts of adrenaline that you need.


And so it shuts down major energy producing systems in your body, namely your digestive system. Because that takes a lot of blood and a lot of energy. And when you are thinking about stressful things, the blood flow gets diverted up to your brain and away from your stomach and your stomach needs as much help as it can get. So if you struggle with any kind of gut issue, chances are you're living in a stressed out state.


But this isn't news to you. This is, this is old news, right? You're like, okay Kim, I thought you were gonna say something really exciting about this. I'm getting there. So you're told to manage your stress with self care. If you're stressed out, you need to practice self care, right? And we're tired of self care. Raise your hand if you're tired of the talk about self care.


I'm so over it and I'm kind of over people describing self care as pampering. You know, getting my nails done, getting a massage. We are smart women. You're a smart woman and you recognize that self care is so much more than just pampering. So can we please stop assuming that everyone thinks that self care is pampering? You already know that that is not real sustainable self care. That's not the way that you take care of yourself. You take care of yourself by getting out of bed in the morning, getting dressed, brushing your teeth. Maybe you put on makeup, maybe you wash your hair, maybe you take a shower, maybe you don't. Self care is literally taking care of yourself.


But here's the rub. We're told to do different things, like if you're stressed out, you just need to manage your schedule better, right? You just need a time block. You just need a bullet journal. You just need to do more prioritizing. Better scheduling more also taught that you do special occasion things. Oh, well you need to, you know, you need to do more things. You need to go to a class or you need to go on a date or you need to go do this thing. We're taught mindfulness practices. Even you just need to meditate, right? You just need to do mindfulness practices. You just need to have some mantras and I am not knocking meditation or mantras. I use those too, but that's still missing the mark because if you're doing all these things and you're still stressed, then those aren't working.


It's not working. Even working out exercise, right. That's like the number one way to combat stress. Unless it's not. Unless working out adds stress to your life. And so all of these things that we're supposed to do to minimize stress aren't working. If you doing the things and are still stressed, they are not working. It's not that you're not trying hard enough cause girl, I see you. I know you try so hard, you are working overtime to try to be your best self. You're trying so hard to take care of yourself.


By doing that, you're challenging beliefs about how others should come before yourself and how you should put yourself last because that's what good women do. Gross. That's a lie and that's BS. That's, that's patriarchal. I'm sorry, but it is. I have been looking so much at our culture and what we believe about ourselves and how much of it stems from our forefathers. It's really interesting and I'm not going to get into it right now. That's another topic for another day. But it is true and here's the thing: At your core, what stresses you out, is that you're not enough. Remember that statement we talked about earlier, that idea that you are worthy and deserving of love and acceptance and peace and joy and happiness as you are??


I wonder if you really believe that and maybe on a conscious level you do, but subconsciously deep in your heart and in your gut, you feel like maybe that's not true and there's stuff that's blocking you from believing that. You're in a culture that's telling you that you're not enough. You're not doing enough, that you're not pretty enough, you're not skinny enough, you're not healthy enough, and we're in a culture that actually profits from that.


Emily McDowell, one of my favorite people to follow on Instagram, had this incredible quote the other day. She said, "If you're frustrated because loving yourself doesn't feel natural and you think it should keep this in mind, our dominant culture, actively profits from you believing you are not worthy of love." Actively profits!! The health and fitness industry alone is a multibillion dollar business. It's a business! And if you succeed in your weight loss and you finally get the body of your dreams and you find peace and you don't need to change anything anymore, the health and fitness industry loses money. They don't want that. They want you to stay stuck in that place of having to rely on them for your self worth.


It's true. That includes Beach Body programs. They don't want you to have a beach body. They want you to have a body you don't like so that they can take more of your money. Friend, it's true. For example, Optavia or Medifast or Pure Protein wants me to succeed. They want me to lose the weight and go into maintenance mode. No, they don't because then they don't get your money.


This is the truth. I have spent 10 years in the health and fitness industry as a personal trainer and nutrition coach and I know that this is how it works. They paint a really nice picture of what maintenance looks like and yet provide no support for you to get there and stay there, but that's another podcast for another day. Getting back on track.


You try to do these stress relieving things but they don't relieve the stress because the stress comes from you. You are the stress because it is incredibly stressful to feel like you're not enough, that you are missing the mark. You look around at other people and you see them succeeding and taking care of their bodies. Maybe they have a body you want, maybe they have a family you want. You look at their Instagram and you're like, "Oh, it looks so easy for them". Or you see people and you think, "wow, what's wrong with me that I can't get my ish together like this person?" I don't have the education that they do. I don't have the job that they do. I don't have the money that they do. You may not even be conscious that you're doing this to yourself and this is where my mindfulness of your thoughts does come into play to serve you better, but in a different way.


Maybe you think that you just need some mantras or affirmations to help you "fake it til you make it". But if you, at your core, do not believe that you are worthy and deserving of love and happiness and acceptance and peace and joy as you are right now in this moment, mantras are not going to help. They are not going to help. So what is? What can you do about it? You're like, okay, if I can't use mantras and I can't use these other things that we've been talking about like exercise or eating healthy or pampering myself or special occasions, if those don't work long term, what will???


Here's a couple of questions to help you uncover the answer for yourself. What would it feel like to think that you YOU ARE ENOUGH? If you were to say that statement, I am worthy and deserving of love, acceptance, joy, peace, and happiness as I am right now in this moment. What comes up for you IN your body? Where do you feel that? Maybe you feel a weight on your shoulders. Maybe you feel a knot in your stomach. Maybe you feel pressure in your chest. Maybe you get a little scratchy eyes or maybe watery eyes. When you think about it, where do you feel it in your body? When we disconnect or dissociate from our feelings, they get stuck and they get trapped. And emotion and feelings are energy and when you have trapped energy, it's extremely stressful on the body. You are literally stressing yourself out by dissociating from the physical sensations that are attached to your feelings. And this includes positive ones too because how easy is it when you get a compliment to instead of letting that fill or light you up, you dismiss it or reject it.

How easy is that? So we dissociate from our feelings and one of the things that you can start do is to practice feeling things in your body. When you have a thought or you encounter a situation that feels stressful or challenging, where do you feel it in your body? And reconnecting with your own ability to be in touch and in tune with what's happening for you physically is a huge part of this. What would it look like? So we talked about what it would feel like, but what would it look like to feel like you're enough? To believe that you are enough just as you are and that you are worthy and deserving of all the things you want right now. Not X number of pounds from now, not X number of dollars from now. Not when your kids are out of the house, but right now.


How would your life be different if that was true for you? What would you do differently if you believed in yourself? Maybe you'd show up differently in your business. Maybe you play more with your kids. Maybe you would feel less self conscious about your body and wear the clothes that you want to wear. What would be different for you? How would you think about things differently? How would your life change if you actually believed that you were enough? Maybe you're like, "Kim, I am stumped. I don't even know if this is me". Let it let it percolate for a little bit. I challenge you to open your mind and open your heart and to let these questions kind of nestle in there. Don't forget about them. Maybe write them down. What would it feel like in your body to believe that you're enough or what does it currently feel like to believe that you're not enough and what would it look like if you were enough?


Because right now you're operating from a place of "I'm not enough" and I need to do all the things which stresses you out. And then you've got to do all the things to combat the things that caused the stress in the first place when really it's you. You are the person that is stressing you out because friend, we got to talk about control here for just a second. You cannot control the how or the when or the circumstances. You can't control other people or what they do or say. The only thing you can control is your response to life, how you react or respond to your feelings, to your emotions, to your thoughts. That's it, which is a really, it's kind two fold. It's like, well really that's all I can control and then it's kind of freeing at the same time because literally that's all you can control.


You can't control, your kids can't control where they're going to go to college. You can't control who they're going to like you can't control your business. All you could do is show up and pay attention to how you respond. That is it and it's kind of a weightlifter when you think about it. You are the only person who is propelling this stress because it's based in a core belief of who about who you are and your enoughness. Megan Hale, one of my favorite people in the world, she was on the Captivatingly Confident Podcast alking about money. She has a podcast called The Enoughness Revolution and I cannot recommend it enoug!!!. Make sure you jump over to iTunes, subscribe and follow. It's so good. She has two podcasts actually, The Enoughness Revolution and then Wild and Holy Radio. She is incredible, but she has this idea about Enoughness and what would it look like to step into that?


So that is my challenge for you today, my friend. Look at stress differently and the antidote to your stress is self love and self respect. That is the way you manage stress. And it may not feel easy, like Emily said, it might not feel natural because you have a whole history of conditioning. Social conditioning, parental conditioning, religious conditioning, patriarchal conditioning that says that you're not enough and to be enough is not okay. So it's gonna feel a little funky, a little weird. And if this is something that you really want to dive into, send me a message, Kim@captivatinglyconfident.com. Let's have a conversation about what your next best step is for this. If you feel like I just, I don't know where to start or I don't want to do this alone or I really want to commit to this, but I feel like I need some extra accountability, reach out!!


Let's do this thing, girl, let's do it. Let's have a conversation about your next best step. You can also join the Captivatingly Confident Community on Facebook. Just type in Captivatingly and confident. It'll pop right up for you. Join us and let's have a conversation there about what it looks like to practice enoughness and to watch your stress change.. Ah, friend, I see you and I love you and I validate you and I just want the very, very best for you. I do.


Okay. One more quick announcement before I sign off here today and that is that I'm launching a new podcast!!!! Oh my gosh. I don't know if you've heard about it yet. I am launching the Reveal Podcast, which is a podcast where I share a little bit more about my journey and some of the things that I have struggled with and I'm currently struggling with. It's been brought to my attention that in 103 episodes, there's only a handful that are me talking about my story and my insights and thoughts about my life because I've been very focused on you and making sure that you are served and that you are given content that is going to help you in your life. And I really have felt this call to step into a deeper conversation about struggles because when we share stories, that's how we heal, that's how we grow. That's how we feel connected and not isolated because there's something so freeing about hearing someone else voice your struggle.

It's like, Oh really? I'm not alone now. You're not alone. You're not alone in that. Nope, Nope, Nope. And I want to create a safe place for us to reveal and heal together, but it's not going to be a podcast that is for the general public. This is going to be a podcast for captivatingly Confident Patrion subscribers. So I am launching a Patreon site which is basically a Captivatingly Confident fan club! If you don't know what Patreon is, it's kind of a membership site where you can sign up to pay for different membership levels and each level has goodies that you get! Stuff like behind the scenes, early releases on episodes, access to the Reveal Podcast, swag..... I mean it's, it's pretty sweet. I've got group coaching calls that are included in some of the tiers. It's amazing. So if you had over to www.patreon.com/captivatinglyconfident, you can learn more about it.


There's a video and a description of how it all works and what you get and what you are supporting because you are supporting the mission of Captivatingly Confident, which is to help women uncover what dulls their sparkle so they can shine just like you!! And that is what it's all about. The Reveal Podcast is for Patreon subscribers and it's a biweekly podcast. So two episodes a month where we really dive into topics like deconstructing faith when you loathe parenting and you really struggle with that deep shame of "what's wrong with me?". I don't like my kids or have marital struggles. Trying to figure out, do we stay together, do we not? How do we enhance our sex life, our love life, all of that. We're going to talk about that. We're going to talk about in laws and Outlaws. We're going to talk about eating disorders and disordered eating.


We're going to talk about so much stuff like grief and loss and longing. What to say to someone that's grieving, how to handle grief. We're gonna have conversations that are so rich and they're just ones that just take it a little bit deeper. Okay, maybe a lot deeper, but it's going to be incredible and you are definitely going to want access to that. So again, www.patreon.com/captivatinglyconfident. You can learn more about it. You can also find the link on my website, www.CaptivatinglyConfident.com. I encourage you to go check it out and to consider supporting and to getting access to some really cool stuff.

So check it out and let me send you off with a little something. These are called benedictions, little motivational kind of almost like a little pat on the bottom. That's what I, I kind of pictured these as but let me explain, lol. Like you know when football players and do a little like a kind of a butt smack as like "way to go, tiger"? It's kind of what I see these as. A verbal little like smack on the booty saying "way to go, sister”! Friend, may you go into the rest of your week feeling important and seen. May You find ways to practice Enoughness in your own heart so that you can embrace this idea that you are worthy and deserving of love, acceptance, peace and joy as you are right now in this moment. May you go forth and be YOU bravely. I'll see you guys next week.


And that's a wrap. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Captivatingly Confident. I am so excited that you're here and investing in yourself. If you want to learn more about Captivatingly Confident you can visit my website, www.CaptivatinglyConfident.com. You can also follow me on Instagram @Kim.Ludeman.
Thank you so much for hanging out today. If you would like to, I invite you to subscribe to the show and also to leave a rating and review on iTunes. Every single review means so, so much to me, and it helps to get the word about Captivatingly Confident out and to help change women's lives. I'll see you next time.